I feel the need to fit in as much as anyone.
Fitting in has me feel safe and secure.
I like to be around other people.
Fitting in is foolish though.
Here is why:
A. To fit in with other people we have to dumb ourselves down.
Well, at least one of us has to. When two people are in a conversation they can only communicate at the level of the lowest common denominator. The other person has to get the meaning or there is no point in having the conversation. The problem is, the more people there are, the dumber the conversation has to be because it needs to include everyone. If there are ten people in a conversation, 9 people have to dumb themselves down so that the 10th person can understand it.
Not very satisfying for the other 9 people, but hey, that is the cost of hanging out in a big group. The larger the group the lower the level of conversation.
Now, take that to the scale of society. To fit in with society, you have to express views which fit in with the lowest common denominator of the whole planet (or at least your pocket of society). That is a whole lot of dumbing down. Not a very satisfying way to live.
B. The best parts of me are the parts that are different to everyone else.
That goes for everyone. If I water down those parts of me so that I fit in, the world misses out on the most interesting parts of me. My job is not to hide those parts of me. My job is to give myself in as pure and potent a form as possible.
That goes for you too. If I am going to be around you, I don’t want some watered down version of you. I want all of you.
C. Being a bit screwed up is fun
Lets face it, nobody on the planet fits in with the model of how we are “meant” to be. Compared to this model we are all screwed up. The screwed up aspects of us are the most interesting. Being a bit screwed up is fun. What isn’t fun is pretending we are not screwed up.
Being around people who seem to have it all together can be boring. I have to pretend to have it all together to when I don’t. It is a lot more fun being around people who are a bit screwed up. I like being a bit screwed up.
D. The more I play the fitting in game, the more everyone else has to play the fitting in game.
I don’t want to promote the fitting in game. It leads to people comparing themselves and invalidating themselves and who they really are. It leads to eating disorders, dieting, kids needing the latest toys, and grown ups needing to keep up with each other.
Rocking the boat is much more valuable. It leads to freedom, self-acceptance and a love of individuality. It creates the space for people to be fulfilled. After all we can’t be fulfilled when we are trying to be someone else. The more people rocking the boat the better.
E. Annoying people is a good thing. That is why people get married.
Think about it. Why else would people get married? You meet someone who you really like and you know there are aspects of them that are annoying. So what do you do. You commit to spending the rest of your life tied to them in every way possible.
Here is the thing. We don’t get married for the good stuff. We don’t need to get married for that. We could hang out twice a week with our partner and have plenty of the good stuff. We get married for the annoying bits.
We lock ourselves in to the death with someone so we are forced to deal with what annoys us. After all, the bits that annoy us are nothing to do with the other person. It is always something to do with us. Forcing ourselves to deal with why we are annoyed is where the value is.
The same goes for the rest of the world. The more we annoy people the better. It forces them to grow (or leave). Then, when they have no where left to run to, they have to deal with themselves and then love arises. Ultimately it leads to acceptance.
The answer to the question “How do we cause world peace?” is… “Annoy a lot of people”.
Fitting in is a poor way to live life. It doesn’t make any difference to anyone. In fact it is detrimental.
Stop trying to fit it. Start taking actions against the grain just to create some space for yourself.
Allow yourself to be your own version of weird.
Give me the freedom to not have to fit in too.
To discuss how Terence can impact your life, contact him here.
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